A sad, emotional and over thinking night

I dont know y but this week...i always rase mcm nak nangis...emo jer rase...nak kate period x pulak...

Starting from last monday when i had an accident...i just felt i want to cry...but not bcause im sad...i just wanna cry....

Tonight, im really sad...semuanya berpunca bila aku chatting dgn bdk2 coc game...

Mr K has announced the invitation to his 2nd marriage before puase...at 1st i thought he was joking as they all like to fool around n slalu gatal2 wit me n dgn gegel2 dlm coc tuh...but rupenyer die serius.... im like shit... What have ur wife done to u smp u nak kawen lain nih....im not even asked if his wife knew about this or not...im afraid i dont like the answer...

It just breaks me down...fall me apart...

How am i gonna trust man now? How am i gonna trust them? How? Its gonna be so hard for me to trust man anymore...i keep repeating that in my head...and i am literally crying when im alone in my room...

This is so demoralising me... And i am just in a 2 months relationship with a man who claim he is now separating with his wife...just waiting to the court to make it an official jatuh talak...or watever it is...i dont know....

It makes me questions myself...Is he really as what he said he is...can i really trust him...or he just another man that will break my heart...

Even if he is real...what's the guarantee that he will not change after marriage...what if he dont like me after few years of marriage? What if we fight a lot after married? What if he bored with me after married? Do he cares to tell me that he bored with me? I don't think so..even if he tell me he bored, would i care to change, to make him happy with me again? Or am i gonna be mad n cursing him n tell him to suck it up because he chose me n he should live with his decision n make it happen make it work make this marriage work until jannah?

Im over thinking it...i know....but i cannot help it...a lot of questions appears in my mind...im just exhausted just to think about it.. my heart are in pain...it almost like someone stab me at my heart with a little knife or sembilu...mcm rase ngilu yg tak berkesudahan....

Is it melampau x if i wanna say i dont wanna get married? This is so heartbreaking...i need a shoulder to cry...

Error yang amik mase bermiggu utk solve...haha

ok... client aku ade complaint die ade dpt error on 1 of my cascading dropdown list and i find out it was because of the data has increased.. so it means my web service or json or watever its cannot handle the large data for the cascading dropdown list...

So aku google la as always... tp sume suggestion yg aku try, sume x jalan...most of suggestion suh aku increased length of maxJsonLength dekat web.config... this is the code...

>system.web.extensions>
>scripting>
>webServices>
>jsonSerialization maxJsonLength="50000000"/>
>/webServices>
>/scripting>
>/system.web.extensions>

tp bila tukar pun still error jugak..macam x function jer..sengal giler!!!

berminggu gakla xsolve bende nih...aku bosan giler...

so aku solve error lain dulu...bila come back to this error aku still stuck giler...da suh team mate tgkkn pun die xleh solve...plus die pun ade lots of projects to handle currently...so die suh aku tukar manually...giler nk tukar manually...lg susah aku rase...n die akan jd slow...user mane suke bende slow2 nih..

but now, by hook or by crook i have to solve it as my manager want the "Work Order" yg register dkt iSi7 to be signed and verified by client...mcm nk pecah pale aku carik solution...

luckily i stumble into this website . so when i applied this line of code dekat web service page tu, wallaa error solve. Yeay!!!... im a happy girl in the world...ya i know its lame...kahkahkah...tp pedulik ape aku...ahhahha

owhhh...below are the lines of code that i applied.

String confString = HttpContext.Current.Request.ApplicationPath.ToString(); Configuration conf = WebConfigurationManager.OpenWebConfiguration(confString); ScriptingJsonSerializationSection section = (ScriptingJsonSerializationSection)conf.GetSection("system.web.extensions/scripting/webServices/jsonSerialization"); section.MaxJsonLength = Int32.MaxValue; conf.Save();

Basically, above code die akan resetting blk maxJsonLength tu kepada max value of integer which is 2147483647 (2 GB).

Then, as usual, lps dpt solve error aku akan wat housekeeping..remove sume trial n error aku wat utk solve the error tuh sume yg xjadi/xjln...then baru aku find out that yg aku ubah maxJsonLength tu rupenyer aku ubah salah file..duhhhhhh...i felt so stupid...but the default is at the web service web.config bukannyer dekat connection web.config...duhhhh lg skali...geramnyer...

so i remove the resetting maxJsonLength code tu and keep the proper setting for maxJsonLength dekat webconfig jer...as for me its better and proper...but i just comment jer line coding tu utk future reference...hehe..

Anyway, its a good finding tough...so im decide to put it in my dusty blog as reminder and as reference also...haha....

that's all folks...till we meet again my blog...have a nice day...daaa

Assalamualaikum..

Hari sengal di ofis...

Hari ni mmg hari sengal aku kt ofis...email dr manager aku si S tuh telah membuat aku murung n rs useless...waaaaa Smlm ade meeting project progress..manager aku si S tye pasal email integration aku tuh da siap ke belom...so I said blom siap...then die suh demo ape yg aku da buat...1st aku buat ade pop up utk user key in email n password...then die xnk pop up sbb system tu is one time login je...so xnk user login byk2 kali...then die ade ckp suh refer a guy ni kt JB sbb die ade buat email integration gak...but then smlm mse aku email die soklan aku tuh da slh...aku tye cmner die login email...bknnye cmne die buat integration email...tp sbb meeting continue smp kul 6 da tlmbtla nk btlkn...so arinih...tyela blk btl2...smp ke ptg die xreply2...kol2 rupenyer die cuti or mc ke ape xtaula...sbb mse 1st kol die kate die kt clinic suh kol blk...da kul 5 aku kol blk...tye org tuh die xde buat ape2 email integration pun...so reportla blk kt manager aku tuh...pastuh die reply die kate 'I said study the webmail module available in siteforum system.Tq' Perghh menusuk kalbu rs...walaupun ayat die pendek je...ape yg aku melamun smlm pun xtaula...tp amik minute meeting...tp mslahnye aku punye supervisor system analyst si A tuh pun bpikiran yg same ngn aku...sbb die yg confirmkn suh tye psl email integration tu kt guys kt JB tuh...so bkn aku sorg la yg slh phm kan...tp still terase mcm aku ni bodoh sgt...waaaa...sedih...mst die rs cam, eh minah ni aku ckp punyela pjg lebar smlm die bole slh lg...berangan la tuh...waaa...malu...aku xtau nk reply ape... Tanye si hensem Af plak...die ckp manager aku tu sbnrnye suh wat login 1 time only tuh utk email...bkn pegi tye kt hanif psl email integration tu..tp aku still xphm kenape die suh aku tye si hanif tu at the 1st place klau x suh aku tye psl system yg si hanif tu buat...n rsnyer bkn aku sorg yg slhkan sbb si ambok pun were thinking the same thing as what I thought si sam tuh suh aku buat which is pegi tye si hanif tu mcm mne die buat email integration tu..cmne die prompt user utk key in email n password tu...everytime suh key in ke 1 time key in jer...waaa...sedih...xtau cmne nk ilangkan kemurungan ini...geram pun ade gak nih...alamak da tertulis name btl...kiki...mls nk edit bole x... :P Eh da xmurungla...hahhaa...okeh...nk dinner...bye3...

kerje giler

Mlm ni aku buat keje giler... Aku setuju nk jmp dak ym jab lg... Tp skrg aku cam ragu2 plak... Nk cancel tp aku xde no fon die plak...aku je yg bg no fon aku... Pandai kan aku...mmg pandai sgt...*tgn ke bahu* Ni sume tanda2 aku da nk periodla nih...aku mst gatal ngn lelaki lebih dr biasa klau aku da nk period...ke ini cume alasan aku jer?haish...diri sendiri pun xkenal diri sendiri cmno?parah...parah... Skrg ni pun da 3.30 am...bdk nih xjd kot...aku rs aku nk tdo jela...kang klau die da smp mst die kol aku kan...huhu...

U

Sy xkisah masa lalu awak...betapa jht or nakal awk dulu... Yg sy kisah adalah awak yg sekarang...adakah awak masih seperti dulu? Atau awak da berubah menjadi lebih baik..sbb sy mahu awak pimpin sy ke jln yg betul juga...same2 menuju ke jln redha ilahi wak... :)

Assumption...

Assumptions... Never good...not good at all... But people always tend to make an assumptions of everything... N u know wat...assumptions can lead to fitnah... So please watch ur mouth when u say something... Think carefully when when u post at fb, twitter, blog or any social network... Assumptions could be hurt...

Sabah discussion..

Hari nih kat ofis dok bncg psl trip g sabah nxt month...bncg dgn dak2 ofis n sorg bdk bkn bdk ofis(kwn kpd bdk2 ofis nih) gune skype...nk decide psl bape ari nk sewa kete...n tempat2 ape je kite nak pegi...smbil 2 tu ralit gak menyinggah blog2 org yg da pegi sabah utk reference...mmg wat lg xsabar nk g sabah bile tgk blog2 org nih...aku tye gak kakak spupu aku coz die da byk kali g sabah...tp xreply lg...well tye pun kt fb..so kena tgu org tuh on9 dulu ler gamaknyer...huhu...da no fon die xde...tpaksela tye kt fb...itu pun sib baik ade add kt fb...hahaha....

Excited weh nk g sabah...xsabarnyer...

Ok gtg...nk g karoks ngn bff...daaa...

Monday Bluess......

Mengantuk thp gaban arinih kt ofis...ssh benar nk bukak mate...nih la bahana tido lmbt smlm sbb ari ahad da terlebih tido...da minum nescafe pun xjln gak...lunch time td igt nk tdo...tp Mr. Kelvin(project manager) mintak deployment files & guideline la plak...dah aku buat bende tuh pastu tgl lg 1/2 jam jer lunch nk abis...mmg xsempat ar aku nk tdo....waaaaa.....

Disebabkan ngantuk aku mls giler wat keje...wahahhaha..
Tapi bkn ade keje sgt pun...sume aku da handover kat ija dgn kenneth da..huhu...
so disebabkan xde keje...lg la ngntuk dier berganda2....huhu...

Hari yg sia sia...

From my last post... Aku bknnyer pegi melawat tuk sedara aku wat kali terakhir...tp aku telah menidurkan diri aku smp la 10 min yg lalu...damn...kenapela aku kuat tido sgt nih...lembabla otak aku cmnih..(ceh bru tau ker...td time tdo xigt dunia...siap mls nk bgn lg =P)...plus..nape mak aku xkejut aku utk ikut die g kenduri tahlil...biasenye mak aku xleh klau aku xikut die g kenduri2 nih...musykil beta....ke mlm nih xde kenduri tahlil?esk bru ade kot...still nape mak aku xajak aku pegi utk tunjuk muka n give my last respect  to my tuk sedare...hurmmm..


xtaula ape mak aku pk tuh...lupe kot aku tdo kt bilik tingkat atas nih...maybe byk mak aku pk tuh sbb tuk sedara tuh rapat juga ngn family aku...n die selalu senyum jer...n aku still igt muka die sgt bersih n suci jer..n bile die senyum kat aku..trus hati rs sejuk jer...sng jer nk bertegur sapa...rs bahagia jer...


tuk sedara aku tu juga di akhir2 hidup die sgtlah rajin puase sunat...ari2 aku rase...n ari2 gak g surau or masjid utk smbhyg....aku rse dia adalah slh seorg penghuni syurga nnt...insyallah...


tp mmg rse sia2 jer hari aku arinih....tau td aku g CM pun ade gak paedah....
damn bru teringat....aku xbuat medical checkup lg utk kerja baru aku...haiyaa....bile plak aku nak buat nih...2 Julai da nk start da....


parah...


maybe aku try kol klinik tuh utk tye die bukak smpai kul baper...maybe aku bole try pegi lps ofis hr....yes...kena set reminder nih....

Terkilan & sedih...

Aku nk pegi CM.... Annexe Galler...ade KLAB...ade lejen press...da start da pun...nk jmp writer2 lejen press...

TAPI.....

Atuk sedare aku baru meninggal pg td...innalillah....

So..xkan aku nk selfish..even ade gak rase terkilan...tp sedih bcoz pemergian tuk sedare tu pun ade....
So i choose family...so what...event camtuh akan ade lg kan...so better luck next time i hope...

A bestfren day out...and a sad memory...

Hai..assalamualaikum...

Td bru blk dr lepak dgn one of my best fren..emmy...
Slalu klau lepak mst g karok or tgk wyg...this time ktorg just g mkn kt old town white coffee kt sri rampai...then ktorg just borak jer...catching up...reminiscing old memory...it was fun...we update each other with our life story...sgt best rsnyer lame da xbuat cmtuh ngn kwn2...

Suddenly i miss my ex bff...she used to be my real bff...n i miss her...i miss lepak with her...miss ngadu dgn die...i nvr thought our frenship will end like this...now even though we've meet again n we become friends again...but rs die da xsame....its like ade jurang yg sgt besar between us...n i miss her badly...i miss our friendship...i miss u fiza..i miss us..if only i can turn back time...i will lower my ego n give in like i always do...

I think its like 'Bride Wars' film...aku Emma Allen (Anne Hathaway) and fiza was Olivia 'Liv' Lerner (Kate Hudson).but the different is...ktorg bkn gaduh sbb tarikh kawen ktorg same n tmpt pun same...and at the end of the story, they become bff back...but she n me...we are not becoming frens again...we hv become an acquaintance...n its sad...i really dont know how get close to u back fiza...n u r married now..n live outside kl...i really dont have clue how to bring us close again..or is it i still ego...i don't know...

I miss u fiza...

Mlm utk bfikir...

Mlm nih mcm2 bmain kt kepala nih...mcm2 bende pk...semua bpunca lps bce buku kt kinokiniya klcc...
Buku tu tajuk die klau xsilap "sembang jalanan:mencari syurga yg hilang"...cerita psl seorg free-thinker...org yg percaya Allah itu wujud...tp xpercaya pd agama...

Buku tu nipis jer...novel2 cinta yg slalu aku bce lg tebal...tp buku nipis tuh da wat aku berfikir tanpa henti mlm nih...

Adekah aku seorg free-thinker tanpa aku sedari??

Kemungkinan yg sgt menakutkan.....

Sekarang kepala aku berat...mate aku pun berat...tp..aku perlu buat sesuatu dulu utk membuang syak wasangka dlm diri aku kepada diri aku sendiri....aku rase aku perlu solat...aku perlu solat taubat...
Ya Allah...jgnla ko jauhkan aku dari hidayah-Mu Ya Rabb...

Skandal??

Disebabkan sy tdo kul 4pg td...arinih sy suda tlajak lahhh...so im taking mc... =P
Td ingat nak pegi je ofis..sbb ade keje nk kena setel..then whatsapp ofismate nk suh amikkn file then igt nk shoot pegi client ofis..kt client ofis xkisah msk lmbt sbb attendance tulis sendiri..so phm2 laa..hahah..back to story..rupe2nyer ofismate i tu pun tlajak jugak..hahah..then die pun mc...so trus i pun rs nk mc gak...wahahahaa...so pengaruh rakan sebaya tuh sgt tinggi ok...
Beside sbnrnyer terpikir nk pegi ofis bru nnt..nk amik offer letter...so can make use this of this situasion la kan..hihi..
And another reason is my skandal da nak terbang ke sarawak esk...so arinih bole la spend time together gether...bole noty2 sket...bley manja2...nnt die da pegi xde org da nk manja2... =(
Smlm da majuk sket ngn die sbb bape kali da janji nk jmp asyik cancel jer...then arinih die kate nk jmp kwn2 die for the last time...then i was like...bile plak ko nk jmp aku nihhh???arrghhh stress jab smlm...pastu majuk...tp dlm kul 12 cmtu smlm...da msk bilik...rs cm xfair plak mrh die cmtuh...bley je jmp lps or before die jmp kwn2 die tuh...aku lak emo lbh2 apesal ntah xtau...skandal je pun...bkn bf..klau bf lain  citerlaa...so msg la die blk n say sorry..die pn sorry gak..sbb pas i majuk tuh die cm mrh gak n mls nk lyn aku...huhu..sweet kann...die nak gak say sorry even bkn slh die punn....=P *tgn ke bahu*

So ptg nih will spend it with my skandal...pas die g sarawak da xjd skandal da...hahah....xbest ar skandal jauh2 kan...so maybe will be fren jela pasnih...will tell him that today...die xtau lg i da decide cmtuh..huhu...

Orait...wow..can't believe I've posted second post already...seems like I'll be dedicated to this blog...haha..

Till next post... Daa..

My first ever post..n its nearly 4am

Yeay...im finally have the courage to create a blog n straight away post something...
Maybe its becoz of loneliness or bcoz its 15 minutes to 4 am..or i just want to express my feeling without anybody that i know judging me critics me or wat ever.i just want a space where i can express myself without anybody knew me...bcoz i got a feeling i will rambling about a lot of stuff..which i don't know if it good or bad..n maybe this blog will be mellow blog where i will constantly talk about myself...how i hate the day..how i feel lonely...how i hate man but the same time i need them..how annoying i am..how i survive my everyday life...basicly how i lived my life...n maybe i will write in english or malay..or both..n who care if my grammar is ke laut..i dont give a damn...call me org putih celup...english wannabe or watever...i just dont care... Peace... =D

So that it now...its 7 minutes to 4am..n i think i should sleep now coz tomorrow kena hntr ayah dialisis which i hv to get up early which i hate wake up early...n then need to siap n go to work...yup.. currently i still with dearest DFS company D*******T S****M BERHAD... =P
Well not for long...end of this month is going to be my last day..ive got a better offer..with a lot of malay guys...hehehe.*gelak gatal*hahaha

Till next post...daa~~